No one said it would be easy

There's not a single mom out there that would say being a mom is easy and I didn't expect to have a perfect baby -- but, my goodness, this is tough stuff. The combination of physical aspects of caring for Carson, dealing with {high} emotions and being spiritually challenged is a lot of my heart to handle right now. It's amazing how quickly I can feel defeated, even after a previous small victory we celebrated. As someone who thrives with clear direction, frequent feedback and measurable results -- caring for a newborn has proven pretty difficult. There are so many options: where to let the baby nap, should I let her have a paci?, what to do when the typical diaper/feeding needs are met and she's still not happy. Each decision I make I wonder if it's the "right" one (does that exist?) and if I'm taking the easy road now that will make it more difficult for us down the road.

I know these truths -- she's only 6 days old, I'm a brand new mom and I need to offer myself some grace to allow time for learning and understand that I'm going to mess things up sometimes. In the midst of it, though, -- 3am and a crying baby that is not easily consoled -- I feel like a failure. I don't have the answer. I'm not meeting her needs. That is hard for me to handle and, to be honest, I haven't handled it well so far. Thank goodness for Sean who is a great encourager and who recognizes when I need a little TLC intervention. God is using this motherhood role in a mighty way already, pointing out my sinfulness and it's pretty ugly.

Two verses have crossed my path today, confirming God knows exactly what I'm going through in this moment and what I need:

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3

Many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

It feels silly to ask for your prayers, because I know so many of you have been exactly where I am and that getting through the first weeks with a newborn is something every parent has to go through -- but I'm asking anyways. Please pray for my patience to increase and that my pride would transition to humility.

Carson is so precious. She is perfectly healthy, of which I'm very thankful. I've got a great support system and a Jesus who loves me unconditionally. I know I will get through this, but I want to get through this with a joyful heart and be able to look back fondly on this time I have at home with her.


  1. Oh hon, I think we all can remember those first days of early parenting. I feel for you and will say a prayer for you and all those new mamas out there. I remember vividly talking with my aunt after having my first son nearly 15 years ago and saying, "no one told me it was this hard". And she replied that they had, we just didn't listen! I found that while parenting in the early years, it was best to seek support with la leche league groups, MOPS groups and moms Bible studies. Friendships were formed and those women during that time helped to normalize parenthood for me. It's hard. But it gets easier.

  2. the beginning is rough. I didn't know what I was doing, my business was shredded, I felt like my body wasn't my own, my hormones were a wreck, I was tired, etc. It gets so much better. You'll find what works for the three of you. I can honestly say a huge turning point came for us around six weeks when he began smiling for real (I think they smile when content before that too, dang it books). Really though, once your body levels out and you get a little better handle on things, you will most likely more frequently experience that joy. Still worth striving for though. Love from the north.

  3. I am not an experienced mother, my son is only 3 weeks today, but I can promise that it gets easier. I spent my first 10 nights (at least) rocking him and crying. Crying from exhaustion, not knowing what I was doing, and thankfulness. Just keep doing what you're doing...mothers instinct is best. Like I said, I'm far from experienced, but if you have questions about anything please feel free to email me. I'll keep you in my prayers.

  4. Praying for you! Hang in there. I know you are doing great and I'm so happy Sean has been so wonderful for you and Carson. Remember to take care of yourself in addition to Carson. I realized after feeling quite crazy for a few weeks that I wasn't eating enough calories and probably not drinking enough either. Have some snacks filled with protein and good fat on hand. I know that might sound silly, but my perspective on the day and patience level totally changed when I started eating more. But the first few weeks are hard, in addition to wonderful. I'll be keeping you in my prayers friend!

  5. Thank you for writing this Nicole. Six weeks in and some days (today included) I feel all these emotions. It is good to know that I am not alone.

    -Allison Drennon (Sarah's SIL)